Monday, May 4, 2009
That's it, I quit, I lost my Happy Place, Where's the Line in the Sand, The Homesickness Flood, and other such Nonsense! And, the GLORY ROLLS!
Oh my, what a time we've had in the past few weeks....major emotional, mental, and physical upheaval, the tossing of every foundation we had in place and the starting over....I'll get to each one at a time...please bear with me on this one folks. Let's start with..
***I lost my Happy Place...Most of you know that we recently moved..as in a month ago although it feels longer. What most of you DON'T know is that I hate moving. And not like I hate getting a hangnail because it's a minor inconvenience...as in I HATE moving more than just about anything else in the world..As is it throws me totally out of whack for MONTHS, as is it flips all of my security switches (I'm such a GIRL) takes my hard strived for balance between structure and flexibility and throws it out the window, totally wrecks whatever shred of a truce Pat and I had over the never ending quest for power and puts us WAY back at square one. As in, it's time to put dinner on the table and I can't find what I need to get it there. I keep realizing things are missing, but I can't find them. Then Dan is bringing in things that he is finding, but since I THOUGHT everything was in the house already, I am having trouble making room for them...ACK! I STILL have boxes sitting here and there, in almost every room....sigh** I had all the boxes unpacked, but then we had to search the storage room for the missing bunny and I found 28 boxes that belonged in the house...but no bunny...found it in the pump house, chased it all over tarnation, re caught it, and it died the next day, but that's another story.
***I QUIT!! Mom, take a deep breath, I didn't quit my job! But, some days I would like to! It looks so pretty on paper...I work in the evenings so we never have to use a sitter...great, right?? But what it doesn't account for is Thursday evenings when Dan is walking in the door as I'm walking out...after he's been working in Hurley since Monday and I haven't seen him in 4 days, or days like last week, when I missed 'Shua's homecoming because I was working...grrr! Plus, the varied schedule is starting to really get on my nerves...some days I work 5 days and some I only work 1...and most weeks, it varies between 2 and 4....just pick a schedule and stay with it!
***THAT'S IT! I am irritated some days by the way my house looks on a daily basis...it looks like several small hurricanes live here...of course there ARE several hurricanes that live here...but that bugs me, too. I KNOW I've trained my kids better than to just throw everything on the floor, but that's what they've been doing recently. I'm irritated by the way my kids look, act and talk. I KNOW I taught my kids to be more respectful than they have been acting lately, but they are not behaving that way. I KNOW I taught my kids to bathe regularly, but some days I wonder when the last time they washed anything...LOL! Some days as I clean up the dinner mess, wash the dishes and wrangle the kids all by myself, I wonder why I thought that raising kids and having a clean house were possible synonymously and WHY it's sooo hard to accomplish BOTH at the same time.
***WHERE'S THE LINE IN THE SAND?? Do you ever wonder where your personal responsibility leaves off and other people's picks up? I have been really struggling with this issue lately. If someone comes to my house, brings their OWN alcohol, drinks it and then wants to leave when I feel they are not capable...where is the line between MY responsibility as a friend, a sober person and a fellow adult to say..."NO" and where is their line of responsibility to know how much is enough and speak for their own safety?? I'm really struggling! Another question....While I know that I can't force people to live according to my own moral standards...where is that line?? I can't minister to people if I never meet people that are different from us, (morally, ethically and religious preferences) but why does it seem that the people that they see once a week have more influence than us parents that work with them 24/7?? SO not fair...LOL~
***THE HOMESICKNESS FLOOD I have sooooo much to be grateful for here in the sunny land of NM, so why do I long for 'home in IL"?? I can list all the things that are great about here...probably alphabetically, but why is it that I still get pangs of homesickness that actually take my breath away?? I know one of the main things that I miss about IL is our wonderful home church...where Christian women abound that aren't afraid to ask me how my walk with the Lord is going, where they dropped by from time to time since we are a one car family and I don't get out much, and where our church was small enough that if you missed a week or so, people were calling, stopping by or sending a note of encouragement. I miss that! I miss my lost boys...coming by for a home baked treat, some motherly affection (or a lecture) and keeping me company when I spend 24/7 with the ankle biter crowd. I miss going grocery shopping with my best bud in the middle of the night when she got off of work, hunting a great kids clothes bargain when on our semi-annual ladies shopping trip, hanging with Kelly and her kids when they dropped by. I miss Mom stopping by for coffee in the AM on her way to work...WAH! I am such a big baby!!
***OTHER SUCH NONSENSE...so tired of feeling like the weight of the entire house is on my shoulders....baking, cooking and all the dishes, that'd be my responsibility. Cleaning, planning, laundry...yep, that'd be me, too. Homeschooling, child rearing and hospitality committee,....yep, there I go again. Keeping up with the family at home, too...even keeping up with the birthday cards and such for BOTH sides of the family, once again, that's all me. All the bill paying, coupon clipping, pet caring, and entertainment...that's all me, too! Sometimes it just feels like a lot. Not that I'm not capable...just tired. That part was just me whining...try to ignore it...LOL! Most days I feel honored to be able to care for the family God blessed us with, keep up with all the activities, and still have time to think a rational thought (at least one a day) but once it a while it not only catches up with me...but proceeds to run me over as well...ha ha ha!
***TOP 10 LIST OF THINGS THAT ARE GREAT! Now that I've done all this pondering, whining and rambling...let's get to the good stuff! I have MUCH to be glad about, rejoice over and be grateful for and so to remind myself truly how blessed we are...here's a top 10 list
1. Dan is a great hubby, a super dad, a hard worker, a fantastic provider and a helpful sounding board when I need advice, or just a listening ear
2. I have 4 beautiful, healthy GLORIOUS boys to raise, play with, fuss over and love amazingly.
3. Jodi and her boys have wandered over here to the land of enchantment and seem pretty happy.
4. I have gainful employment that doesn't cut into family time, cause us to hire a sitter or buy another car, meaning the money I make is actually ours to use.
5. To that end, we are slowly, but surely getting out of debt and ONE DAY might actually be able to save a bit of money to retire on...we'll see about that one
6. We have made some friends that have taught us a few things, allowed us to be who we are and enjoyed us to boot...we love them sooooo much.
7. We are soooooo enjoying our new house (despite above statements about it being messy) and the boys are SOOOOOOOO enjoying a huge yard to scamper about in, race around in, and drive the dune buggy around in...or if you're Tyler, flip it over in!) There is plenty of space to cook for our ever increasing family, plenty of room to get around the table, or on game night...around 2 tables as we serve 18-20 people, plenty of bedrooms and bathrooms and a huge playroom to bounce around it when the sun us too hot to be outside. A fire pit to gather around on cool summer evenings and watch the tumble weeds burn hot and bright, ...it's really just wonderful!
8. 'Shua has arrived safe and sound, much to this mother's delight and has settled right back into his place in the family.
9. Dan and I are still enjoying our fresh new start and are growing closer each day...to each other and to the Lord.
10. God is here...not that this newsflash astounds me, but sometimes when I feel especially lonely, overwhelmed, moody or just plain morose about being here (see above posts...LOL) it feels soooo good to know that wherever we have been, wherever we are or are going to be someday, God IS there, has BEEN there and will CONTINUE TO BE there. God never fails His children! Can I get an amen?? : )
AND last, but not least....***THE GLORY ROLLS! Get ready to clap your hands, click your heels and whistle for the Lord's provision! AS most of your know, 'Shua came here looking for work....and it's been provided! Dan has been saying that his company is NOT hiring anyone and hasn't bee for a while now (in fact, they have been wonderful in keeping Dan employed even when the work was slow) but that he would take 'Shua to the union office and help him get set up to find a job. Well ''COINCIDENTALLY" (winks) on last Thursday, Dan's supervisor mentioned needing to hire a few apprentices....what a bizarre happenstance!! So Dan mentioned 'Shua and before the end of the day...the boy had a job! not even in town yet and he's employed!! Is God's provision astounding or WHAT?!? I just cheered and clapped and carried on....yeah GOD! SO, all's well that ends well, right??
All of that to say, yes, some days are hard, but God always provides the answer, Dan is a rock star hubby and our hectic life suits me just fine!! Thanks for reading my novel of epic proportions and little consequence!
Blessings to all,