Saturday, October 3, 2015

And Just Like That... {Week 11 Update}

Dan is gone.

I can't believe it's already been 11 weeks; 5 more than Dan has ever been gone for work, and 4 more than our time apart when we moved here. We are adjusting...slowly (especially me). But, things are improving. I am learning to set my boundaries without being a jerk about them. (In times past, I just let Dan set the boundaries and without him around I spent several weeks being a spineless sap) I am remembering skills I used to have that have been out of practice for 20 years. And I"m learning new skills, like how to trim the rose bushes that have been intimidating me since Dan left. I've trimmed them 3 times, and I think (I HOPE) I'm getting the hang of it. Pat and I have several 'successful' chats a week now, shoot, sometimes we have more than one a day. *grins* I am sleeping through the night on a regular basis, even though I'm still staying up later than I should. However, I think part of that is just to carve out some time for just me, since I"m the only one parenting these days and I NEED some child free time each evening. Overall, I think we are getting the hang of it. Dan has a roommate as of this week and I think he's not as lonely, at least that is why I'm telling myself he isn't calling quite as often. I am setting up some 'Daddy's Gone Traditions" like the boys and I go out to dinner on Thursday night, so that we all get to the table together once a week. We're still doing our pizza and movies on Sundays but that is pretty flexible and sometimes it just doesn't happen. So we're enjoying Thursday nights out to laugh and talk over a delicious dinner made my someone besides me. Having hilarious, handsome dinner dates every week doesn't hurt my feelings at all.
The biggest highlight of this week concerning Dan was we bought his plane ticket home for Thanksgiving so that is a FOR SURE visit coming up. Woot!
Biggest bummer concerning Dan this week is that today is David's birthday. His 18th birthday. Now, in case you don't know, David hates any attention that he doesn't intentionally invite, and birthdays are a HUGE no-no in the attention department. There is no celebration, no singing of the birthday song, no balloons, no gifts and in fact, he's working 11 hours today, so it's not so much that Dan being away will affect David's day so much. But our first child is becoming an adult today, and I can't share that with Dan. So boo to that.
Thanks for taking this journey with me. I'm growing so much it seems and blogging about it feels like the right choice.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

And Just Like That...{Week 3 Update}

Dan is gone.

I did paint my nails! I did! :) It was fun. I wanted to look cute as I was scampering about in the gym for DT's party on Sunday. So I painted my toes and fingers to match. And then I started thinking about when the last time I did that...and decided the last time I had matching finger and toe polish was probably when Karen got me a mani-pedi the day before DT was born. 10 years?? How have I let 10 years go by without treating myself this well? Craziness. Anywho, enough about my nails. Just an interesting aside. 
In other news, the party was fun.Even Miss TJ showed up with her duck named Booger. Everyone missed Dan, who is of course, way too much fun at the gym. At DT's last party at the gym, they were using the cheese mats to slide around the gym and seeing who could make their mat slide the farthest. Because everything is a contest when you're a boy. Or a man. ;) 
Umm, what else to share? Oh yes, well....well never mind about that. This is what's next. I've been dancing around this, trying not to say it, but it needs to be said and I might as well just say it. The loneliness is driving me crazy. I know I"m strong, I know I can DO this, I know all of that self pep talk stuff. But I miss him. ALL THE TIME. This week, all I want to do is sleep and cry. I know I CAN do this, but I don't know if I WANT to do this. :( He's still calling/texting daily and I'm trying to be brave and supportive and encouraging, but it's all I can do not to scream into the phone, "JUST COME HOME THIS MINUTE!!" I actually got really sad one day when we were talking and I just said, "I can't talk anymore right now. I have to go." And hung up without giving him even a chance to respond. I know, Wife of the Year award is coming my way any minute now. LOL!
In the good news department, Pat and I had a conversation today that didn't end with a door slammed in my face! 18 days, y'all. 18 days to have a decent conversation with my own child. Apparently right behind my Wife of the Year award is my Mother of the Year award. *le sigh* But, it is progress so I'll take it.
In the good, super fun, hilarious news department: Mom, Uncle Jerry and Aunt Marion were in town for 3 &1/2 days and we laughed like there was no tomorrow. Mom took right back over the kitchen, which was a blessing since I was working extra hours in anticipation of the B-Bunch's upcoming vacation next week. We had basically 3 Game Nights this week as people came over to visit with them each evening. There were many games played, Much coffee/soda consumed and MUCH laughter over old stories being told. I was quite sad to see them go, but was glad they took to the time to stop by on their way to Idaho to see their boys. Good stuff!
Thanks for taking this journey with me. I know it's an up and down hill roller coaster right now, but I'm hoping it will even out soon.


Saturday, August 1, 2015

And Just Like That... {Week 2 Update}

Dan is gone.

No huge changes this week. Dan is settled in at the house he's staying at while he's gone. Found some old friends that he's worked with before, and made some new ones. The work is good he says, and he's enjoying the hustle and bustle of a BIG job again. I am still loving the fact that we are communicating so much! This is way more talking than we do even when we are together. Strange!
David is still working Eleventy Billion hours a week and I rarely see him. Pat and I have still not had a successful conversation. Derek is Derek and enjoying the extra Mama time. I am still not sleeping and becoming quite ungracious due to not enough sleep. I've got to find a way to sleep at the right time.
I have finished ALL the small 'back burner" projects from my to do list and may actually have time to do something like PAINT MY NAILS for the first time in 6 months. That would be fun!

In other news, Derek turned 10 today and has joined the double digit club. :) It was sad that Daddy missed it, but the party is tomorrow and they are going to Skype.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

And Just Like That... {Week 1 Update}

Dan is gone.

He's been gone a full week, and several things have already happened.
1. I am a big helpless baby after being married to Mr. Fix It for nearly 19 years. I can't do anything for myself anymore. This is both a blessing (hooray for a handy hubby) and maddening (I need help with EVERYTHING, and I don't know anyone else handy, because Dan does everything)
2. Patrick and I are incom-PAT-ible (no pun intended) We have not had one conversation yet that didn't end with him screaming and slamming the door in my face. Boo.
3. I miss him like crazy, which is interesting since we've been *enjoying* a small rough patch this past month or 6 weeks. Too much stress, too much work, too many people, too many responsibilities, plus not enough boundaries will do that to you. *sigh* At any rate, it's been great to actually miss him so much, as I sorta thought I'd just heave a sigh of relief that he was out of my hair for a few minutes. (not trying to be ugly, just honest. If you don't personally know Dan, let me just say he's simply poor attitude about things is more about me than him.) So missing him, while painful, is actually a good sign. We're doing better than I thought.
4. Sleeping alone after sleeping next to someone for nearly 19 years is the PITS! I can NOT sleep until I am completely exhausted. So I'm falling into bed at like 3 am, which is not good for anyone when Mama doesn't get enough sleep. 
5. Dan has been calling or texting me every single day, which is outstanding growth on his part. I am tickled pink!
6. With all the *extra* time I have in the evenings, I've completed nearly everything that's been on the back burner of my to do list for the last 6 months. Not any huge projects, but the little things that linger and never seem to get done due to a lack of time...those things. Clean out the fridge, vacuum the air vents, mending my skirt, file your office paperwork, trim the roses, etc. So, I'll count that as a victory. :)
Overall, things are going as well as can be expected. P never does well with change, so I'm hopeful that this anger won't last forever. I will live and in theory learn to sleep by myself. I'll try to check in next week again.

Monday, July 20, 2015

It's the Little Things

I've discovered as I make this journey through life that it's not the huge things that make or break your day, week, month or life. It's the little things. So in honor of the little things, list a few with me that made your day, week, month or life brighter or sweeter.

  • It's an hour to blog after DT goes to bed. AND an hour to read if I want.
  • It's watching movies with the BIGS that we can all enjoy.
  • It's having time for the first time in 6 months to paint my nails
  • It's a dishwasher full of CLEAN dishes
  • It's a tween that willingly cleans the bathroom.
  • It's a teenager that reads his little brother bedtime stories is a silly French accent until they are both giggling like crazy.
  • It's pulling a loaf of home made bread out of the freezer and having the people that eat it all the time still ooh and aah over it and beg for grilled cheese sandwiches.
  • It's friends that offer to come to your house and make you dinner so you can relax a little bit. (Yes, I do know how ridiculously blessed I am)
  • It's new recipes from friends.
  • It's remembering that I was a person in my own right before I was married and before I became a mother, and nurturing that person isn't selfish or bad. (OK, so that's a bigger thing, but still) 
  • It's a pair of great fitting jeans.
I like the idea of this style of post. If you like it too, add your little things! I'm making it a goal to focus on the positive this year...Join me!

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Happy Middle of July :)

Just waving a hand to all my readers. Welcome to those of you who are new, and hello to my long time friends. Because everyone who comes to this blog is welcomed with open arms.
I'm just feeling like I'm living the dream today.
Church with my boys, cleaning the house while the boys entertain their friends, and now just hanging out at home with DT while the BIGS are at the movies. A nice day. Un-rushed, no scurrying about from this place to that at top speed, and just enjoying being at home. Life is good.
So, welcome to friends new and not-so-new. Come, look around, read some old posts, dig through Wordless Wednesday pictures and enjoy yourself. Leave a comment if you're so inclined. See you again soon!

Saturday, July 18, 2015

And Just Like That....

Dan is gone. He got into his little blue Honda and drove away this morning. 

Before you all freak out, he isn't leaving ME, he's leaving the state for a new job. This job will take him to Iowa for the next 8 months or so while he completes the addition on the University of Iowa Children's hospital. 

I am empty, bereft, void of feelings and a bit unglued at the notion of him going away for 8 months.
This is uncharted territory for us. We are rarely apart, the 2 longest times before this were the 7 weeks when he came to Cruces ahead of us to procure a job and a place to live 8 years ago, and then when he worked in Washington for a friend for 6 weeks 5 years ago. Both of which were torture. And the boys were much younger then, not even teenagers, so I am a bit nervous about parenting (largely) alone for the next phase of life.
I am excited about the opportunities that this job will bring him professionally, and for us financially as there is a decent pay increase and this job pays per diem (a daily pay bonus to cover food and housing, plus say thanks for being away from your family) Dan is busily making plans to pay off the Honda, plan his dream garage and possibly remodel the kitchen upon his return. Time will tell if any of those things happen, but it sure is fun to dream.
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