And Just Like That... {Week 13 Update}

Dan is gone.

This week has hurried on by in a flurry of activities and I didn't have time to dwell on missing Dan as much as I have been recently. A had 2.5 days off of school meaning I worked many extra hours, Columbus Day happened (upsetting my routines) and DT had a play date with a friend. DT and I worked hard on cleaning up the yard Tuesday evening, which also was a great night for a bonfire and s'mores with the BIGS. Sister-Girl Night was changed to Wednesdays in addition to Youth Group and Zero Gravity for the BIGS. DT and I started small group on Thursdays. Game Night on Friday, followed by a middle of the night trip to Wal-Mart that resulted in some new friends. And today we had Gym Magic, a haircut for ME, some random errands, a fun late lunch with the boys, and playing outside together. AND...Pat and I joined Planet Fitness. Phew. 
In the midst of all that; we included a breakfast with a friend, haircuts for EVERYONE ever, I read 2 books, kept up on a few cleaning/organizing challenges in the homemaking arena, had pizza and movies together, looked at apartments with DK and tried to get back to a good sleeping schedule (but I failed miserably on that point this week).
Overall, I think it's reasonably safe to say that while I continue to miss Dan, we have hit our stride. The ache is still there, but we are both learning to deal by making new friends or reconnecting with old friends, and staying busy.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner.
        ~Lonely Only in NM~

And Just Like That...{Week 3 Update}

Dan is gone.

I did paint my nails! I did! :) It was fun. I wanted to look cute as I was scampering about in the gym for DT's party on Sunday. So I painted my toes and fingers to match. And then I started thinking about when the last time I did that...and decided the last time I had matching finger and toe polish was probably when Karen got me a mani-pedi the day before DT was born. 10 years?? How have I let 10 years go by without treating myself this well? Craziness. Anywho, enough about my nails. Just an interesting aside. 
In other news, the party was fun. Even Miss TJ showed up with her duck named Booger. Everyone missed Dan, who is of course, way too much fun at the gym. At DT's last party at the gym, they were using the cheese mats to slide around the gym and seeing who could make their mat slide the farthest. Because everything is a contest when you're a boy. Or a man. ;) 
Umm, what else to share? Oh yes, well....well never mind about that. This is what's next. I've been dancing around this, trying not to say it, but it needs to be said and I might as well just say it. The loneliness is driving me crazy. I know I"m strong, I know I can DO this, I know all of that self pep talk stuff. But I miss him. ALL THE TIME. This week, all I want to do is sleep and cry. I know I CAN do this, but I don't know if I WANT to do this. :( He's still calling/texting daily and I'm trying to be brave and supportive and encouraging, but it's all I can do not to scream into the phone, "JUST COME HOME THIS MINUTE!!" I actually got really sad one day when we were talking and I just said, "I can't talk anymore right now. I have to go." And hung up without giving him even a chance to respond. I know, Wife of the Year award is coming my way any minute now. LOL!
In the good news department, Pat and I had a conversation today that didn't end with a door slammed in my face! 18 days, y'all. 18 days to have a decent conversation with my own child. Apparently right behind my Wife of the Year award is my Mother of the Year award. *le sigh* But, it is progress so I'll take it.
In the good, super fun, hilarious news department: Mom, Uncle Jerry and Aunt Marion were in town for 3 and a half days and we laughed like there was no tomorrow. Mom took right back over the kitchen, which was a blessing since I was working extra hours in anticipation of the B-Bunch's upcoming vacation next week. We had basically 3 Game Nights this week as people came over to visit with them each evening. There were many games played, MUCH coffee/soda consumed and MUCH laughter over old stories being told. I was quite sad to see them go, but was glad they took to the time to stop by on their way to Idaho to see their boys. Good stuff!
Thanks for taking this journey with me. I know it's an up and down hill roller coaster right now, but I'm hoping it will even out soon.
 ~K~

And Just Like That... {Week 1 Update}

Dan is gone.

He's been gone a full week, and several things have already happened.
1. I am a big helpless baby after being married to Mr. Fix It for nearly 19 years. I can't do anything for myself anymore. This is both a blessing (hooray for a handy hubby) and maddening (I need help with EVERYTHING, and I don't know anyone else handy, because Dan does everything)
2. Patrick and I are incom-PAT-ible (no pun intended) We have not had one conversation yet that didn't end with him screaming and slamming the door in my face. Boo.
3. I miss him like crazy, which is interesting since we've been *enjoying* a small rough patch this past month or 6 weeks. Too much stress, too much work, too many people, too many responsibilities, plus not enough boundaries will do that to you. *sigh* At any rate, it's been great to actually miss him so much, as I sorta thought I'd just heave a sigh of relief that he was out of my hair for a few minutes. (not trying to be ugly, just honest. If you don't personally know Dan, let me just say he's simply amazing...my poor attitude about things is more about me than him.) So missing him, while painful, is actually a good sign. We're doing better than I thought.
4. Sleeping alone after sleeping next to someone for nearly 19 years is the PITS! I can NOT sleep until I am completely exhausted. So I'm falling into bed at like 3 am, which is not good for anyone when Mama doesn't get enough sleep. 
5. Dan has been calling or texting me every single day, which is outstanding growth on his part. I am tickled pink!
6. With all the *extra* time I have in the evenings, I've completed nearly everything that's been on the back burner of my to do list for the last 6 months. Not any huge projects, but the little things that linger and never seem to get done due to a lack of time...those things. Clean out the fridge, vacuum the air vents, mending my skirt, file your office paperwork, trim the roses, etc. So, I'll count that as a victory. :)
Overall, things are going as well as can be expected. P never does well with change, so I'm hopeful that this anger won't last forever. I will live and in theory learn to sleep by myself. I'll try to check in next week again.
~K~

And Just Like That....

Dan is gone. He got into his little blue Honda and drove away this morning. 

Before you all freak out, he isn't leaving ME, he's leaving the state for a new job. This job will take him to Iowa for the next 8 months or so while he completes the addition on the University of Iowa Children's hospital. 
I am empty, bereft, void of feelings and a bit unglued at the notion of him going away for 8 months.
This is uncharted territory for us. We are rarely apart, the 2 longest times before this were the 7 weeks when he came to Cruces ahead of us to procure a job and a place to live 8 years ago, and then when he worked in Washington for a friend for 6 weeks 5 years ago. Both of which were torture. And the boys were much younger then, not even teenagers, so I am a bit nervous about parenting (largely) alone for the next phase of life.
I am excited about the opportunities that this job will bring him professionally, and for us financially as there is a decent pay increase and this job pays per diem (a daily pay bonus to cover food and housing, plus say thanks for being away from your family) Dan is busily making plans to pay off the Honda, plan his dream garage and possibly remodel the kitchen upon his return. Time will tell if any of those things happen, but it sure is fun to dream.