And Just Like That...{Week 3 Update}

Dan is gone.

I did paint my nails! I did! :) It was fun. I wanted to look cute as I was scampering about in the gym for DT's party on Sunday. So I painted my toes and fingers to match. And then I started thinking about when the last time I did that...and decided the last time I had matching finger and toe polish was probably when Karen got me a mani-pedi the day before DT was born. 10 years?? How have I let 10 years go by without treating myself this well? Craziness. Anywho, enough about my nails. Just an interesting aside. 
In other news, the party was fun. Even Miss TJ showed up with her duck named Booger. Everyone missed Dan, who is of course, way too much fun at the gym. At DT's last party at the gym, they were using the cheese mats to slide around the gym and seeing who could make their mat slide the farthest. Because everything is a contest when you're a boy. Or a man. ;) 
Umm, what else to share? Oh yes, well....well never mind about that. This is what's next. I've been dancing around this, trying not to say it, but it needs to be said and I might as well just say it. The loneliness is driving me crazy. I know I"m strong, I know I can DO this, I know all of that self pep talk stuff. But I miss him. ALL THE TIME. This week, all I want to do is sleep and cry. I know I CAN do this, but I don't know if I WANT to do this. :( He's still calling/texting daily and I'm trying to be brave and supportive and encouraging, but it's all I can do not to scream into the phone, "JUST COME HOME THIS MINUTE!!" I actually got really sad one day when we were talking and I just said, "I can't talk anymore right now. I have to go." And hung up without giving him even a chance to respond. I know, Wife of the Year award is coming my way any minute now. LOL!
In the good news department, Pat and I had a conversation today that didn't end with a door slammed in my face! 18 days, y'all. 18 days to have a decent conversation with my own child. Apparently right behind my Wife of the Year award is my Mother of the Year award. *le sigh* But, it is progress so I'll take it.
In the good, super fun, hilarious news department: Mom, Uncle Jerry and Aunt Marion were in town for 3 and a half days and we laughed like there was no tomorrow. Mom took right back over the kitchen, which was a blessing since I was working extra hours in anticipation of the B-Bunch's upcoming vacation next week. We had basically 3 Game Nights this week as people came over to visit with them each evening. There were many games played, MUCH coffee/soda consumed and MUCH laughter over old stories being told. I was quite sad to see them go, but was glad they took to the time to stop by on their way to Idaho to see their boys. Good stuff!
Thanks for taking this journey with me. I know it's an up and down hill roller coaster right now, but I'm hoping it will even out soon.
 ~K~

And Just Like That... {Week 2 Update}

Dan is gone.

No huge changes this week. Dan is settled in at the house he's staying at while he's gone. Found some old friends that he's worked with before, and made some new ones. The work is good he says, and he's enjoying the hustle and bustle of a BIG job again. I am still loving the fact that we are communicating so much! This is way more talking than we do even when we are together. Strange!
David is still working Eleventy Billion hours a week and I rarely see him. Pat and I have still not had a successful conversation. Derek is Derek and enjoying the extra Mama time. I am still not sleeping and becoming quite ungracious due to not enough sleep. I've got to find a way to sleep at the right time.
I have finished ALL the small 'back burner" projects from my to do list and may actually have time to do something like PAINT MY NAILS for the first time in 6 months. That would be fun!

In other news, Derek turned 10 today and has joined the double digit club. :) It was sad that Daddy missed it, but the party is tomorrow and they are going to Skype.

And Just Like That... {Week 1 Update}

Dan is gone.

He's been gone a full week, and several things have already happened.
1. I am a big helpless baby after being married to Mr. Fix It for nearly 19 years. I can't do anything for myself anymore. This is both a blessing (hooray for a handy hubby) and maddening (I need help with EVERYTHING, and I don't know anyone else handy, because Dan does everything)
2. Patrick and I are incom-PAT-ible (no pun intended) We have not had one conversation yet that didn't end with him screaming and slamming the door in my face. Boo.
3. I miss him like crazy, which is interesting since we've been *enjoying* a small rough patch this past month or 6 weeks. Too much stress, too much work, too many people, too many responsibilities, plus not enough boundaries will do that to you. *sigh* At any rate, it's been great to actually miss him so much, as I sorta thought I'd just heave a sigh of relief that he was out of my hair for a few minutes. (not trying to be ugly, just honest. If you don't personally know Dan, let me just say he's simply amazing...my poor attitude about things is more about me than him.) So missing him, while painful, is actually a good sign. We're doing better than I thought.
4. Sleeping alone after sleeping next to someone for nearly 19 years is the PITS! I can NOT sleep until I am completely exhausted. So I'm falling into bed at like 3 am, which is not good for anyone when Mama doesn't get enough sleep. 
5. Dan has been calling or texting me every single day, which is outstanding growth on his part. I am tickled pink!
6. With all the *extra* time I have in the evenings, I've completed nearly everything that's been on the back burner of my to do list for the last 6 months. Not any huge projects, but the little things that linger and never seem to get done due to a lack of time...those things. Clean out the fridge, vacuum the air vents, mending my skirt, file your office paperwork, trim the roses, etc. So, I'll count that as a victory. :)
Overall, things are going as well as can be expected. P never does well with change, so I'm hopeful that this anger won't last forever. I will live and in theory learn to sleep by myself. I'll try to check in next week again.
~K~

It's the Little Things

I've discovered as I make this journey through life that it's not the huge things that make or break your day, week, month or life. It's the little things. So in honor of the little things, list a few with me that made your day, week, month or life brighter or sweeter.

• It's an hour to blog after DT goes to bed. AND an hour to read if I want.
• It's watching movies with the BIGS that we can all enjoy.
• It's having time for the first time in 6 months to paint my nails
• It's a dishwasher full of CLEAN dishes
• It's a tween that willingly cleans the bathroom.
• It's a teenager that reads his little brother bedtime stories is a silly French accent until they are both giggling like crazy.
• It's pulling a loaf of home made bread out of the freezer and having the people that eat it all the time still ooh and aah over it and beg for grilled cheese sandwiches.
• It's friends that offer to come to your house and make you dinner so you can relax a little bit. (Yes, I do know how ridiculously blessed I am)
• It's new recipes from friends.
• It's remembering that I was a person in my own right before I was married and before I became a mother, and nurturing that person isn't selfish or bad. (OK, so that's a bigger thing, but still) 
• It's a pair of great fitting jeans.

I like the idea of this style of post. If you like it too, add your little things! I'm making it a goal to focus on the positive this year...Join me!

Happy Middle of July :)

Just waving a hand to all my readers. Welcome to those of you who are new, and hello to my long time friends. Because everyone who comes to this blog is welcomed with open arms.
I'm just feeling like I'm living the dream today.
Church with my boys, cleaning the house while the boys entertain their friends, and now just hanging out at home with DT while the BIGS are at the movies. A nice day. Un-rushed, no scurrying about from this place to that at top speed, and just enjoying being at home. Life is good.
So, welcome to friends new and not-so-new. Come, look around, read some old posts, dig through Wordless Wednesday pictures and enjoy yourself. Leave a comment if you're so inclined. See you again soon!
     ~K~

And Just Like That....

Dan is gone. He got into his little blue Honda and drove away this morning. 

Before you all freak out, he isn't leaving ME, he's leaving the state for a new job. This job will take him to Iowa for the next 8 months or so while he completes the addition on the University of Iowa Children's hospital. 
I am empty, bereft, void of feelings and a bit unglued at the notion of him going away for 8 months.
This is uncharted territory for us. We are rarely apart, the 2 longest times before this were the 7 weeks when he came to Cruces ahead of us to procure a job and a place to live 8 years ago, and then when he worked in Washington for a friend for 6 weeks 5 years ago. Both of which were torture. And the boys were much younger then, not even teenagers, so I am a bit nervous about parenting (largely) alone for the next phase of life.
I am excited about the opportunities that this job will bring him professionally, and for us financially as there is a decent pay increase and this job pays per diem (a daily pay bonus to cover food and housing, plus say thanks for being away from your family) Dan is busily making plans to pay off the Honda, plan his dream garage and possibly remodel the kitchen upon his return. Time will tell if any of those things happen, but it sure is fun to dream.

June 2015 Goals Update

It's early in July, so it's time for a June update. Sorry I missed a few months, I'll have to see if I can go back and piece together a little something something. ;) Life happens, y'all. Even when the goals of the year are to simplify, streamline and enjoy life as never before. Hang on to your hats, here we go!
Personal Goals:
~Losing 20-25 pounds this year with portion control, walking/elliptical/cardio 3x per week, WATER every day and more veggies. (No real weight loss yet, but my clothes fit better and I'm getting stronger)
~Writing a letter a week. At least (39 letter written to date. I OWN this one!)
~Read a book a week. A book for me, not a read aloud with the kids, or an educational book, or a book I feel like I *should* read. A book that I want to read, for personal pleasure or a how-to book on a topic I am interested in reading. (I totally fell off the bandwagon here and am now trying to catch back up)
~At least once a month, do something just for myself. Take a trip to Starbucks to blog, get a massage, say no to an 'obligation' so I can goof off, go to the movies by myself, take a walk, browse the bookstore without the grabby monkeys with me, etc. Things that keep me centered, and able to co-parent the Man Crew and live this crazy life I love. (I've been visiting with friends this month as my ME time, and I'm loving it)
Spiritual Goals:
~Read through the Bible in a year (In progress)
~Be active in our BREAD group on Facebook (trying to post/comment every few days.)
~Be more proactive/mindful in my prayer life (yes!)
~Get more comfortable saying, "How's your walk with Jesus this week?" And, "How can I pray for you today?" (yes!)
Couple Goals:
~Read a book about marriage 3 times a year (Yes!)
~Go on an actual date with Dan every 8 weeks (Yes!)
~Re-read The 5 Love Languages and become fluent in Dan's language. (I am currently ordering myself a new copy since I lent to to a friend and never got it back)
Financial Goals:
~Stay on top of the bills (yes)
~Create an emergency fund of $1000 (Every time I get to $200 something happens. But, I'm grateful I had something saved up. I WILL get this done!)
~Complete the 52 week money challenge (Nope)
~Keep our grocery budget at $150 or lower each week, which will be a trick with our current household size of 7. (Did a pantry challenge for the entire month of June and kept my grocery cost at less than $75 a week. Oh yeah!)
Schooling Goals:
~Finish the year on time...don't get bogged down by every little distraction (Done! Just summer camps and reading these days)
~Find ways to keep DT's interest instead of just slogging through the work each day (YES)
~Help D figure out what he's doing this school year (No comment)
~Encourage P to continue to be self motivated to get school done. He's managing his own schooling this year. I'm really pleased! (DONE for the year)
Family goals:
~Reinstate FAMILY game night, not just 'everyone' game night. I'm missing homemade pizza and just my family around the game table. (Managed it twice this month)
~Watch less TV and do more activities together outside. (yes)
~Spend some one on one time with each child every week. (YES)

Overall, not too bad this month. I am pleased with my progress. It helps to have this to look out on the days where everything goes out the window, we eat out because I didn't have time to shop, let alone cook dinner, and I can't remember the last time I looked at a book. Thanks for keeping me accountable!
    ~K~